Thursday, April 11, 2013

I went to the gym ... am I skinnier yet?

I have the worst mind set in that I think that if I do something once I will get the results I desire. Like going to the gym ONE time will make me lose all the weight that I have gained. This is a precarious way of thinking. It's almost like self sabotage. I KNOW that going to the gym or running more than once is necessary to lose weight and I KNOW that I need to practice at things in order to get better at them, but I don't always do it. And why? Who knows. I think that I get so caught up in my desire to be like everyone else and look like everyone else and have it "easy" that I assume by doing something once I am going to get the results I want, when the exact opposite is true. I know I have written here before about how other people make things I want to do look so easy, that I tend to forget that they had to work at it and I am only now seeing the results of their hard work and dedication. 

I miss Medifast. I wish that I could afford it again. Right now it would be like a third car payment and that is something we just can't afford right now. (Maybe after I get my raise with my new position) I remember how great I felt while I was following the diet and how easy it seemed. I know I may be contradicting myself, but I truly thought that I could do it on my own. Apparently I can't. I need guidance and I do better when I have it all laid out for me. Truthfully too, when I was on the Medifast I was taking a different thyroid hormone replacement. It was a more natural one and I truly believe 100% that it was a factor in the way that I lost the weight. But now the doctor is too afraid of the side effects to put me back on it. I have gained 15 of the almost 50 pounds that I lost in the last 2 years. I need to do something and clearly doing it on my own isn't working. I don't eat bad foods, I just think in regards to the food aspect, my problem is portion control. I don't stuff myself, but I don't always stop when I feel adequately full enough. 

I have clothes in my closet that I bought when I lost all the weight that I refuse to get rid of. They are reminders of how good it felt and how good I looked. I would give anything to get back to that place. I know I want to be there and I do try but I struggle with getting motivated and than staying motivated. 

This week I started Couch to 5k. Today would have been day 3 but I didn't go. Lunch wasn't sitting too well after work and I had no one to go with me. I need to not be so reliant on others to help me achieve the goal of being more fit, but it is just easier for me to do things when I have a partner. I don't want that to be an excuse, it's just he way I think it is for me.

But I do vow to this..... 

1 comment:

  1. Patience! It's really a tough one but that's what you have to be in order to go the distance. Too bad it doesn't happen overnight! We all wish it would. You can do it on your own. You really can. Just focus on your goals and those clothes that you want to fit back into!