I have the worst mind set in that I think that if I do something once I will get the results I desire. Like going to the gym ONE time will make me lose all the weight that I have gained. This is a precarious way of thinking. It's almost like self sabotage. I KNOW that going to the gym or running more than once is necessary to lose weight and I KNOW that I need to practice at things in order to get better at them, but I don't always do it. And why? Who knows. I think that I get so caught up in my desire to be like everyone else and look like everyone else and have it "easy" that I assume by doing something once I am going to get the results I want, when the exact opposite is true. I know I have written here before about how other people make things I want to do look so easy, that I tend to forget that they had to work at it and I am only now seeing the results of their hard work and dedication.
I miss Medifast. I wish that I could afford it again. Right now it would be like a third car payment and that is something we just can't afford right now. (Maybe after I get my raise with my new position) I remember how great I felt while I was following the diet and how easy it seemed. I know I may be contradicting myself, but I truly thought that I could do it on my own. Apparently I can't. I need guidance and I do better when I have it all laid out for me. Truthfully too, when I was on the Medifast I was taking a different thyroid hormone replacement. It was a more natural one and I truly believe 100% that it was a factor in the way that I lost the weight. But now the doctor is too afraid of the side effects to put me back on it. I have gained 15 of the almost 50 pounds that I lost in the last 2 years. I need to do something and clearly doing it on my own isn't working. I don't eat bad foods, I just think in regards to the food aspect, my problem is portion control. I don't stuff myself, but I don't always stop when I feel adequately full enough.
I have clothes in my closet that I bought when I lost all the weight that I refuse to get rid of. They are reminders of how good it felt and how good I looked. I would give anything to get back to that place. I know I want to be there and I do try but I struggle with getting motivated and than staying motivated.
This week I started Couch to 5k. Today would have been day 3 but I didn't go. Lunch wasn't sitting too well after work and I had no one to go with me. I need to not be so reliant on others to help me achieve the goal of being more fit, but it is just easier for me to do things when I have a partner. I don't want that to be an excuse, it's just he way I think it is for me.
But I do vow to this.....