Saturday, October 13, 2012

Hindsight is 20/15

No one likes to hear "I told you so". But what if you are the one giving yourself a hard time?!?! 

I can't seem to let go of accept the fact that I am where I am with school/a career. 

I didn't finish school in the proper time frame and now I am kicking myself in the rear-end for it. Where would I be right now if I had? Would Firefighter and I be together? Would I have had the jobs I've had and met the people that I have met if I had done things differently? Probably not to most of those. 

But if I had stayed in college, what would I have done? I think I would have wandered aimlessly though there like it was a never ending maze. Because up until this point I have never really known what I wanted to do when I "grew up". I often felt that if I had stayed in school, it could have been a waste of time. I was not on a clear path. I had no real direction. And still for the most part I don't feel that I do, but I feel like I have a small idea of a career path that I may take. 

When I was in high school I wanted to be a child psychologist. The idea of doing that now scares me... too much schooling. Last year I decided, or so I thought, that I wanted to be a teacher. I think I would have enjoyed that, teaching the little ones, but I know myself well enough to know that I am not cut out for that much school at this time in my life. My attention span is getting shorter. So there went that idea out the window again, and I think I crushed my brother-who-happens-to-be-a-teacher's spirit when I made that decision.  But I know me and me is not so good with 4 more years of school at this point in life.

Now that I am working in a doctor's office I think I may take some classes in this field. Once I am done with my AA I think I may pursue a Medical Administrative Assistant education at a vocational school. It will be a great time to do that since I am actually working in the field. 

Bottom line is that I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself to be like everyone else. I am me and not them. I am where I am for a reason. Maybe I needed to go down this path to get to where I am so that I can figure this out and find my place. Would I have preferred to be done with school at this point? Yes, but I am not and I just need to focus and push through. 

Gotta put on the big girl panties and deal!!! 

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