Sunday, July 22, 2012

The day we said goodbye

I promise that I am not going to go on and on about the death of my sweet Zazu. But for me part of grieving is writing and getting it out.... 

Friday, July 20, 2012... We arrived at the vet's office and were put in a room right away. A tech came in and talked to us about the decision we were making, ensuring that it's the right one. She explained that they were confused and stumped about the fact that the fluid from her insides was leaking out of her through her girl area. They feared that the fluid, being acidic, ate through her stomach and was invading her abdominal cavity and that was why she was leaking out of the vagina. So, she was basically reassuring us that we were making the right decision. 

The vet came in an hour later, they were extremely busy and we were worked in, and went over the series of events that would take place. 

He would inject a drug into her muscle that would relax her and make her sleepy, I think he said it was like a twilight drug a human would be given when getting dental surgery, but I don't remember. After that drug took effect he would give her a barbiturate that would stop her heart. He warned us ahead of time that after that shot was given there was a possibility she could have a physical reaction and let out a gasp. I decided not to stay for that part. 

When the first shot was administered she flinched and hissed. She got angry and fled from the table and tried to hide. She wouldn't let anyone touch her. After it became visible that she was relaxing I was able to pick her up and hold her. I held her as her breathing slowed and she relaxed. I laid her limp body on the vet's table and kissed her and hugged her and traced her body with my hand. I told her I loved her and that I was sorry over and over. 

The vet came in for the final injection and I left the room. Firefighter stayed. A few moments after I left the room, they emerged carrying a small cardboard box containing my precious girls lifeless body. We decided to bury her at home. 

Firefighter is a trooper. He never ceases to surprise me. He never shows emotion, but in that room, he got emotional. He teared up and his eyes reddened. When we got home with her, he went right to work finding a perfect place to lay our girl to rest. He bought a shovel at Home Depot earlier that day, and after he used it to prepare her final resting place, he broke it and threw it away. Something else that surprised me...his sentimental mentality. 

Zazu never knew a stranger. She greeted everyone with curiosity and affection. A new face, meant a new friend. She was spunky and loving. I still expect to see her running through the house or trying to sit on my lap while I am working on the computer. I wait for her to pop up from no where with a friendly meow to let me know she has arrived. I know as time goes on, her presence will fade. But for now I am just holding onto my memories as hard as I can.

Goodbye my precious girl....until we meet again. Keep dad company for me! RIP Zazu 

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