Sunday, June 24, 2012

Friends Forever?

Friendships are such a gift. If you are lucky enough you can meet people that will be by your side through everything and become like family. How do they get that far? How is it determined what friends you keep in your life and what friends phase out.

When I was let go from my job in February, I was more saddened about the fact that I would not see my friend every day than the loss of my job. She was let go moments after I was that same day, ironically enough. However since February, we have drifted and the sad part is that I didn't really do anything to stop it.

She is a great person and has a good heart and I do love her as a person, but I haven't really missed her. What does that mean? Does that mean that we weren't really friends to begin with? Was it a friendship based on convenience? I have a hard time thinking that could be a possibility. She was there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on and we told each other things that we may not tell other people. We never really fought and we were able to work together all 5 days with almost no problem. There were days I will admit that I dreaded her coming in, but I would quickly get over that.

Since February I think I saw her a handful of times. She got a job right away, but I did not. I was home 90% of the time but on occasion I did have some cool photography things to do with a friend. At her birthday dinner/party thing she came over to me and said she had been meaning to call me for lunch or whatever, but said it looked like I was always busy, according to Facebook. She never texted and asked me or anything. That moment right there spoke volumes to me... I was unemployed and home almost EVERY day and yet she couldn't call or text me? I am not placing all of the blame on her, I am guilty as well for not picking up the phone, and perhaps more so because I was unemployed but I never would have said to her what she said to me. It was amusing to me that she thought I was so busy... But I digress...

We had lunch Wednesday and it was nice, but definitely off... I felt like there had been a noticeable shift. I haven't really missed her, sadly. This is something that came as a surprise to me. By my reaction after being let go, I would have thought that I would have missed her more, but that isn't what happened. I obviously needed a break from her. I haven't had the urge hang out with her or call her or anything... That is so sad to me.

Yet there are friends that I can't go more than a day or 2 without talking to or texting. What is that? What happened? Are we just going in different directions? It's all so strange to me, the dynamics of female friendships.

I love the friends that I have and I am fortunate to have them.

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