Sunday, February 12, 2012

SOCS: The Weight of Unemployment

stream of consciousness Sunday

I was fired on Friday. I partially saw it coming, but was still a little shocked at the same time. I have been wanting out of there for a long time so I was a bit relieved. But at the same time the act of being fired is humbling and knocks you back a bit. I know I will bounce back and that things will be okay, but for the moment I am embracing this change of direction. I feel like a weight has been lifted. I literally feel 10 pounds later, and I don't feel my shoulders getting all hunched over and I feel the room in my brain being evicted by the useless information that was lodged there, and not paying rent. 

But in the place of that weight comes the panic and paranoia over money concerns. 

I can't even think about spending money right now. I literally have a physical reaction. I get a knot in my stomach and feel the urge to vomit. When I think about buying food, I feel almost paralyzed. In the same breath, however, part of me wants to go on a spending spree. But that would be financially irresponsible. Then there is a part of me that wants to stuff my face, but that would be nutritionally irresponsible. 

Firefighter has assured me that things are okay and that we will be fine. It's so great to have his support. He isn't so good at the consoling of a crying female, but he is good with the comic relief. And we have been having quite the chuckle over this situation. If he didn't know how much I wanted out of there, I am sure his approach would have been different, but he knew I was miserable. 

So I am taking this time to allow myself to remain free and unencumbered and to embrace me a little more. I am excited and feel free for the first time in a long time. I have many options and many paths to choose from now. I can go anywhere. I can do anything. I feel fearless. 


This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…
  • Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
  • Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
  • Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
  • Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
  • Link up your post below.
  • Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.


  1. I think it's great you have a supportive husband. I also think its great you feel open to new possibilities. Embrace them. Good luck and keep us posted!

  2. Yes, energized is good. I'm sure the right opportunity will come along soon.

  3. my heart breaks for you, because i have been there. the rejection hurts, no matter how much the seperation was needed. try to keep your chin up and know that it will all work out somehow, it always does. try to enjoy the freedom for a while!

  4. Good luck with the job search and I hope you find a job that makes you happier.

  5. Well in that case, I'm happy for you ;-) I know that miserable feeling where is seems anything would be better than having to dwell it. Watch what that freed up space in your brain will do. I invite you to read this post if you have time. It's not my SOC, but I wrote it just Friday night.