Sunday, February 26, 2012

SOCS: Job History and Outlook

stream of consciousness Sunday

Looking for a job is a humbling experience. 

It makes you look at yourself and your flaws and your attributes and makes you question your place in the world. 

I look for jobs frequently. When I find things that I think I would be interested in and I read the work description, I think to myself, "am I going to be able to do that?", "am I good enough to do that?", or "what will make them want to hire me?". 

I have been fortunate, in that the jobs I have had over the last 8 years I kind of fell into. 

My sister-in-law (for all intents and purposes) hooked me up with a job as an administrative assistant at a law firm where she worked. They took a chance on me. I had no experience in an office. I was coming from managing a  movie theater and they gave me a job and allowed me to exit my personal version of hell and enter the corporate America world. I was working Monday through Friday 830-530 and I was enjoying it. At said law firm is where I met my recent former boss. She was a family attorney there and in 2007 she was asked to leave due to differences of opinion in work style, among other things. At that time things had been slow at the law firm and I was working a mere 30 hours a week and a part time job at a book store to support Firefighter and I while he was in school. 

I was asked if I would be interested in leaving with her with the promise of being trained as a paralegal and 40 hours a week. 

I said yes! 

I was never trained as a paralegal, and for that I am thankful. I tried to take classes and find the law interesting, but I just didn't. Therefore, I remained an assistant. I answered the phones, scheduled meetings, hearings, mediation and other legal type appointments. The attorney who brought me over, Ex-Boss Lady, never took the time to sit down and show me anything really. She was more of a toss you in the water and let you learn how to swim kind of teacher. My other former boss, Ex-Boss, who was also simultaneously let go the same day I was, was kind enough to explain things to me and I appreciated that. Ex-Boss is also one of my best friends as a result of working together everyday. 

I have no formal training in anything, really. I feel like the only thing I am qualified to do is assist people. And since being fired, I have found have started questioning myself and my abilities and wondering how I will ever get over this, professionally. I know people do all the time, but it's the first time anything like this has happened to me and I am freaked. Despite the relief I feel, it does knock you down and make you wonder how anyone will ever see you as being capable. I am terrified of putting myself out there and being rejected....again. 

I have really enjoyed the free time but I think I am starting to get bored. I have no hobbies and I am seriously lacking motivation right now. 

It's hard not to feel worthless right now. I know that I am a good person and could be a good employee to someone if given the opportunity, but I have to be ready to sell myself and I just am not right now. And not quite sure how to get myself there.

(this MAY have taken a little more than 5 minutes... oops)


  1. Great post! I'm a legal assistant too and I really haven't had much training in anything myself either. But you are not worthless - you have been given opportunities and rose to the challenge. Sell that...everything else will fall into place.

    Stopping by from SOCS

    ~ Lisa

  2. Thanks for this this interesting posting. It is wonderful post.

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  3. Ohhhh... sweet SOCSunday friend. I do hope things get better for you. I trust the just right next situation will find you soon.

    Big hugs!!

  4. I worked for many, many years in the corporate world. I had the degree, the resume, and everything. I got laid off but it was a very personal decision, not just a financial one. Even with all of that, I couldn't escape the feelings of rejection. It's very, very hard. But remember, someone once took a chance on you and if you want it badly enough, you will find someone to do it again.