Firefighter decided to sign me up for softball.
WITHOUT ASKING ME FIRST! And when he DID mention it to me, it was in front of friends, who are also on the team, and that really put me on the spot. Um... PRESSURE MUCH!?!?!?
I can't seem to let this go.
First of all, I am not an athletic person AT ALL! I never have been. Nor have I even expressed an interest in becoming an athletic person. I have absolutely no confidence in my *ahem* "athletic" abilities, because well, I have none. So the very thought of running, throwing and catching a softball literally almost terrifies me. I think about it and get knots in my stomach and want to cry and hide in a hole. I do realize that is a bit dramatic and that it's only a softball game, but when you have no confidence in yourself at something, being almost forced to do it can create a paralyzing fear. Not to mention that I am playing with a lot of people that I do not know and they may be competitive. I also don't like the idea of these people making comments about me. I have enough insecurities in myself, I don't need strangers saying negative things about me too!
Firefighter feels that what he did was to help motivate me and get me active, and I am fully aware of that, and I appreciate his initiative, however, I would have appreciated being consulted first. He feels that asking me first would have resulted in resistance from me, and he is probably right, I would have been resistant. I mean it is my time that he has basically volunteered and lately I am all about spending my time doing the things that make me happy and to be honest, playing softball is not something I have ever wanted to do. I would never sign him up for a writing class, because I know he would hate it. All I am saying is that he should have had some consideration and asked me first. I realize that his heart is in the right place, and I do acknowledge that I could be seen as being ungrateful, but I really just do not want to do this. And to make matters worse, I will inevitably feel a crap ton of guilt for not playing if they have to forfeit a game simply because I do not want to play. What is the matter with me?
I do have to say what annoys me MOST about the situation is Firefighter's ability to get me out of my comfort zone, which will almost inevitably result in me having a good time. Which quite frankly, pisses me off! And then I am apologizing for throwing a fit and yelling at him and being hell-bent against the idea. I hate that he has this knack of knowing me so well, and for some reason even after all this time, I feel like I don't really know him that well. (But that is for another time)
I will admit that I need to give this a shot before being so against it. And I do understand that I am being silly for behaving this way because of softball. However, my issue still remains with the way in which I was volunteered for this without being asked. I can almost predict with some certainty that I could come back here tomorrow and say that I played and had an awesome time but that doesn't negate the fact that Firefighter should have had enough respect for me to ask me first and to do so without putting me on the spot the way that he did.
So I need to look at this with a positive perspective... I WILL HAVE FUN! I WILL LAUGH AT MYSELF! I WILL NOT CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK! IT WILL BE FUN TO DO THIS AS A COUPLE! IT'S JUST A GAME!!! (repeat as often as necessary)