Well we made the offer on the house.
And now we wait!
I hate waiting.
I wish we could just say yes or no and be done with it.
in my mind i have moved in, painted and bought new furniture.
i don't want to become more invested.
i want to know if i should continue to dream or let it go.
there is a part of me that is seriously paranoid and scared to death thinking , what happens IF we get this house? then what? we can not longer rely on our "landlords" to pay for the big things. that will become our responsibility. can we afford this? are we ready? that is when the nausea starts. i want to throw up when i think about it at times. i am so incredibly nervous about this next step. the responsibility. the liability.
i feel like this will hurl us into adulthood. it's a step that needs to be taken. we have been behaving like children for far too long.
in the same breath however, i am looking forward to having people over and having dinner parties. being able to invite my family over. having more space. owning something. taking a house and making it our own. i imagine painting the kitchen a light shade of yellow and one day buying a white, round table for the "breakfast" area. then get a square or rectangular table for the dining area.
i don't know how people make it through this process looking at multiple houses. i would want to pull my hair out. i am already ready to kill someone and it's the first and only house so far that we have put an offer on. i can't even imagine what the closing process and all that is going to be like. it's going to be crazy.
let's hope this process doesn't make me bald and give me an ulcer.