Sunday, July 17, 2011

Imaginary Reality

I want this certain house. 

I want this house more then I have wanted anything in a while. And Firefighter is trying so hard to make it a reality for me, god bless his heart. but there are things that are going to be out of his control. I fear that it's going to be a lost cause.

the house has been abandoned for 2 plus years. it's just sitting there no attention is being paid to it, no love is being shown to it. It needs some TLC. The house is located next to our friend's house (a big PRO). We managed to get a look inside the house and it's in pretty good shape with the exception of the carpets. the owner let their dog use the carpet as a toilet. 

It's going to take what I think is a miracle in order for us to get into that house. I fear that we are setting ourselves up for failure. I know that there is no harm in asking, but there is actually. You get your hopes and expectations up, and then when you get the news that it's not going to happen or that things have fallen through, you are disappointed and your dreams are dashed and your heart is broken. 

the most disarming thing is that i can see us in that house. I can see the life that we would have there. I can see making that house a home. I want to go out and buy all kinds of decorating magazines and remodeling magazines and get ideas to transform the house. I am excited about the creativity I am feeling, the things I want to make, the life I want to have. Like stenciling a plain throw pillow case. Or repainting the kitchen. Or buying appliances. Or re-carpeting and replacing the tile. then of course I also panic and wonder if we are ready for such a big, HUGE commitment. It's a lot of financial responsibility. I get nervous and scared. And Firefighter tends to paint a pretty picture for me, or maybe it's for himself, who knows. 

I wonder, too, if i am romanticizing the situation. I tend to over glamorize things and create imaginary realities in my mind and then when i realize that it isn't real, i get mad at myself for allowing myself to become so in love with an idea or a possibility. 

We are going to be starting the process of attempting to get the house tomorrow. Wish us luck! 

(To my SOC ladies, I apologize for the duplicate posting)

2 comments:

  1. Well you can't know until you ask. You would always wonder if you didn't try and sometimes that is worse. Owning a house is a big responsibility but it's been worth it for me. Also, just keep in mind that you won't be able to do everything at once...unless you got tons of money. That can be frustrating but once you realize that it just takes time then you just deal. Good luck!

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  2. Good luck with everything. We have been searching for a home for OVER A YEAR, and we FINALLY found one a little over a month ago. I thought that the search was difficult, but when it came to the paperwork for a foreclosure, I was in for a 'treat' to say the least. I hope everything works out for you. Have patience!

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