Saturday, July 23, 2011

Resurgence of Excitement!!

It is so incredibly fantastic to be excited about something. I haven't been excited about anything in such a long time.

We have the slim possibility of getting a house... exciting, nerve wracking, overwhelming, the list of emotions goes on and on.

I am going back to school... YIPPY!!!! What could be more exciting? Other then getting the house or getting married or having a baby.... yea school is up there for me. I will have my AA in 5 short classes. I have registered for a science class and a literature class. The science class is an environmental science class and the literature class is a women's lit class. I looked up one of the syllabus' online and it's a little daunting. But daunting in a good way. Daunting in the I am looking forward to expanding my horizons and maybe these books will inspire me kind of way. The books that are on the syllabus for the lit class are books that I have never heard of before so naturally I googled them. One of the books, The Italian by Anne Radcliffe, sounds interesting. The others sound a little meh... like I could take them or leave them. I am nervous, however, about how I manage my time. The science class is a web based class. I have never taken an online class before and I am apprehensive about my work ethic and the fact that how well I do in that class is entirely on my shoulders. I can't blame the teacher for not explaining something thoroughly enough. Hopefully I will be able to maintain a decent GPA. My last attempt at school in 2008 I made the dean's list. Not that hard to do with one class, but still I was proud of myself. 

I am honestly so excited about buying new school supplies...pens, notebooks, a school bag for the one class that I have at an actual campus. Do you think it would be totally justifiable to get a brand new vera bradley tote for school? I do... maybe!

In particular this one:

Or this one:

I really like the patterns. I will have to check them out in the store. 

Ooooh..... I am getting goosebumps!!!! 

Thursday, July 21, 2011


I do not know what is going on with me right now, as far as keeping up with m blog is concerned. 

Every single day I have ideas about what to post and they never seem to make it on here. I think it's because most of my ideas come to me at work... and well, we all know how that goes. And Firefighter has me so occupied on the weekends... it's craziness. 

Good things are happening... 

I am re-registered at the local community college to finish my AA finally. 

Firefighter has officially started his new job! 

Things are moving in the right direction for once. I feel like the forces are aligning. YAY! 

And you know what, it's about damn time too!

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Imaginary Reality

I want this certain house. 

I want this house more then I have wanted anything in a while. And Firefighter is trying so hard to make it a reality for me, god bless his heart. but there are things that are going to be out of his control. I fear that it's going to be a lost cause.

the house has been abandoned for 2 plus years. it's just sitting there no attention is being paid to it, no love is being shown to it. It needs some TLC. The house is located next to our friend's house (a big PRO). We managed to get a look inside the house and it's in pretty good shape with the exception of the carpets. the owner let their dog use the carpet as a toilet. 

It's going to take what I think is a miracle in order for us to get into that house. I fear that we are setting ourselves up for failure. I know that there is no harm in asking, but there is actually. You get your hopes and expectations up, and then when you get the news that it's not going to happen or that things have fallen through, you are disappointed and your dreams are dashed and your heart is broken. 

the most disarming thing is that i can see us in that house. I can see the life that we would have there. I can see making that house a home. I want to go out and buy all kinds of decorating magazines and remodeling magazines and get ideas to transform the house. I am excited about the creativity I am feeling, the things I want to make, the life I want to have. Like stenciling a plain throw pillow case. Or repainting the kitchen. Or buying appliances. Or re-carpeting and replacing the tile. then of course I also panic and wonder if we are ready for such a big, HUGE commitment. It's a lot of financial responsibility. I get nervous and scared. And Firefighter tends to paint a pretty picture for me, or maybe it's for himself, who knows. 

I wonder, too, if i am romanticizing the situation. I tend to over glamorize things and create imaginary realities in my mind and then when i realize that it isn't real, i get mad at myself for allowing myself to become so in love with an idea or a possibility. 

We are going to be starting the process of attempting to get the house tomorrow. Wish us luck! 

(To my SOC ladies, I apologize for the duplicate posting)

Stream of Consciousness Sunday - House Dreams

Good Morning folks! I have missed you ladies!

i have a dream about a house for us to move into. we have found a house that is literally just sitting next to our friends house and it's had no activity for the last 2 years. AT LEAST. We were able to see inside and the carpet has been destroyed, but other then that it's in pretty good shape. so now we are going to try and figure out a way to contact the owners, who are going through a divorce, and see if they will take us up on our offer. but the problem is, for me, is that i get excited. I get so excited that i make situations almost real in my mind and then i am incredibly let down. then i also start thinking about all of the stuff that goes along with owning a home. are we ready.. can we really afford it... are we ready... oy! I want out of his parent's house so that we don't have to rely on them for anything anymore but in the same breath I am scared to death! Firefighter is considering a roommate... just for a year so we can get some extra money so that we can make some improvements. part of the problem is that he talks about us getting that house and he makes it so real and i can see it happening and then, what happens if we don't get it? i will br crushed and we will be stuck in this house for longer. curses! so needless to say in my mind i have the layout imprinted and i am making plans. oy!

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…
  • Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
  • Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
  • Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
  • Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
  • Link up your post below.
  • Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Once in a Lullaby

I so love this song! It relaxes me and makes me feel like I am on a hammock in Hawaii... 
It takes me back to my childhood, when things, when life was easier.... 

If only it were so simple!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

just an observation

I have come to notice that I am the kind of person that at times only likes to plan things. I like to plan events, dinners, parties, visits to theme parks, etc. But then as the date approaches... I have an internal battle about whether or not I want it to actually take place. And the closer that it gets the more anxious I get. The less I want it to happen. BUT, and yes it's a big but, when the day actually comes, I have fun. I then have this inner dialogue with myself and yell at myself for not wanting to go or not wanting it to take place. What is that about? I am happy to know that I am not the only person that this happens to.  Why does it happen? Why can't I look forward to things with excitement and anticipation instead of with dread and anxiety

Monday, July 4, 2011

Happy 4th of July

Happy 4th of July peeps! Hope you have a safe and exciting holiday!!

Sunday, July 3, 2011

stream of consciousness sunday - Variety of Thoughts


Time for the brain dump that I have come to quite enjoy!!! 

If you want to partake in the fun stuff then link up with Fadra here!

Thank you to all the lovely ladies that commented on my post last week. They were both comforting and informative. It's good to know that I am not alone in my uncertainty on what I want to do with my life.  So thanks for the love ladies!

for the life of me this morning i can't focus on one thing to write about on this week's brain dump. so in the spirit of that I am going to briefly address a few things that are on my mind currently.

1. i have recently noticed that i have lost my ability to buffer. i tend to speak my mind freely and openly. i try hard to be sensitive to people and not say things in a harsh manner, but i do voice my opinion, whether it is wantted or not. while that can be admirable in some ways i fear that it can also be a bad thing.

2. in relation to #1 i hate walking on eggshells. that's no way to go about life. if you have something to say - just say it. life is too damn short to walk tiptoe around feelings or emotions. if you aren't happy say so... if you are depressed - get help. you should make life as enjoyable as possible. we aren't really here that long if you think about it. (sorry for the morbidity) In the wise words of Dr. Seuss, "be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those you matter don't mind."

3. in some photos that i took friday night while my family and i were walking the beach, it appears there is a green light in the pictures that i can't explain. some people may think i am crazy, but i was wondering about the possibility of it being an orb. i googled orbs and they all appear to be perfectly round in shape and colorless. but my green light is a. green and b. shapeless. am i imagining things because i am desperately trying to feel my father's presence or are they really orbs? my brother has a friend that knows a medium... SIGN ME UP. I would love nothing more then to speak to this person and have some communication or receive some sign or message from loved ones past.

There you have it, my brain dumpage for the day!  I am looking forward to attending a Rays game with my family today. Then tomorrow we are having a 4th of July party. YAY for long weekends!

Hope you all have a safe and happy 4th of July!


This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…
  • Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
  • Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
  • Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
  • Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
  • Link up your post below.
  • Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Saturday Morning Scene

Linking up with Katie at Loves of Life for an overdue session of Saturday Morning Scene.

Saturday Morning Scene

Chilling with my dog... literally

and enjoying some coffee....

and downloading new music, which I so love doing. 

New tracks include: 
New Soul by Yael Naim
Mess I Made by Parachute
Where I stood by Missy Higgins
Ain't No Sunshine by Bill Withers

Relaxing a bit and enjoying the peace and quiet before the hustle and bustle of the day starts. We are having a fiesta today at my mom's. Should be fun fun fun! Good food, family and friends... what more can you ask for!

Hope you all have a great Saturday!!!!

Friday, July 1, 2011

Friday Family Fun

Took a walk on the beach tonight with the family! 

Drip castles are always fun!

the perfect sunset!!!

Waves crashing against the shore... 

Mini me finding a mini sand dollar (sadly the baby sand dollar didn't survive the walk. it was in pieces by the time we got back to the car!)

And to top off the evening we were treated to dolphin sightings! YAY!!! 
(they were too quick and far away to photograph)
What a great way to start a holiday weekend! 

Oooo.... almost forgot the best part... ICE CREAM!!!! 

Fill in the Blank Friday

Linking up with Lauren at the little things we do again for an always fun edition of Fill in the Blank Fridays!

1. The best news I ever received was that I would be getting money back from my car accident from December 2009. It was nice to walk away with extra money! Paid off a few bills too! :) 

2. Something I am looking forward to is our trip to North Carolina in August. So excited. Also looking forward to hopefully going back to school come fall. *fingers crossed*  I have talked about it a lot on here, so here's hoping!!!

3. Something I would never do is eat a mouthful of wasabi! NO THANK YOU!

4. If I could choose someone to be my life coach (living or dead, famous or not), I'd choose ... WOW this is a tough one! I'd have to say I have absolutely no idea. I don't look up to anyone really.

5. If I had to put a label on my style it would be variety. I like all different styles of things. I tend to lean more toward preppy/conservative and/or athletic/comfy clothes. As far as my house goes though, I believe it would be country and some touches of modern. 

6. One should always  count their blessings! Things could almost always be worse then they actually are!

7. I want to get our own house! I don't want to have to ask someone's permission anymore to have things taken care of around the house. BUT in the same breath, I am not ready to pay for all the things that go along with taking care of a house. OY! 

Happy Friday!