Tuesday, April 12, 2011

MISSING PERSON: ME

I have lost myself.
I have no one to blame but myself.
i literally feel like i have been sleeping through life these last 13 years.
i didn't complete college. i attempted several times, but was never able to get a handle on what i wanted to be when i grew up. 
i have been stuck in a line of work that i dislike, again, for the last 7 years.
i need to do something for me, to help me find my way. 
i look at people around me they have jobs/careers they love or they are starting families and i still feel like i am in hight school. 
how did i get here? 
how did i let this happen?
i guess I was caught up in the "now" and didn't really plan for the future. 
now i am kicking myself...
i have a job that i dislike
i have no real defined passion for anything in particular in life
i am just lost... 
i am trying to get my ass in gear and go back to school 
i truly feel that will help me
it will give me a direction with life and make me feel like i am worth something. 
that's hard to type... 
i am not a stupid person... i just have too many interests and it's been hard to narrow it down to one thing that i want to venture into. 
it's hard to pick a road when they are all so appealing. 
how do you decide? 
there has to be something that speaks to you, to your heart, i feel, in order to fully invest yourself in something. i do not have this with my current job. 
i am starting to think i would be better off working for myself. but how do i get there??? and is it too late?

oy... i know that i have talked about this stuff on here before... i vowed not to make this blog a depressing place and i am not going to air my negative and pessimistic thoughts on here. this i just needed to get out. i feel like this was a cathartic entry. 

thanks for letting me share.

love, 
leesha

2 comments:

  1. I don't think you are turning this into a depressing place. Instead you are being real and open and that is something people admire. Maybe a reader feels the same way you do and you helped him/her feel not so alone.

    I think we all feel this way from time to time. We look around and see what others have accomplished. It took my a long time to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. You will figure it out, Hon.

    Hang in there and know I'm cheering you on.

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  2. I kinda know how you feel! I've sort of settled into my current job and thanks to a promotion don't feel like too much of a loser! It's not my passion but I feel useful and it's not a bad job to get up and go to everyday. Sadly, some never find that "passion." I hope you do but I have sort of accepted that I probably won't.

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