Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Change

I don't like change. 
And well, death changes things. 
It ends a life. 
It puts plans on hold. 
It brings perspective. 
It brings your idea of reality to a screeching hault. 
It knocks you off your feet. 
It breaks your heart. And this kind of heartbreak can't ever truly be mended. The broken heart of a failed relationship can be mended or bandaged with the knowledge that you will love again. The broken heart as the result of a parents' death, can't be bandaged the same way. You only get one set of parents. They can never be replaced.

For some people, myself included, we hold our parents to a higher almost God like standard. They are immortal. Nothing can happen to them.... they are my parents. I KNOW other people die, but naively I never thought it would happen to me. I mean what kind of world would it be without my mom and dad. And now I know.... it's the same place, but I feel a little more vulnerable. 

Even though dad has been in and out of the hospital over the last 7 years, and I had on several occasions prepared myself for his death, the reality is/was much more harsh and harder to grasp. 

I promised myself that I wouldn't let this become engulfed in the grieving and mourning of my father. I have a separate blog that is for him, but this I felt like sharing.  

There are many people out there that have no idea what it's like to lose a parent, and it's sadly something we all will face. You can never be ready for this kind of heartbreak. No matter how much you think you are ready, or if you think you have said goodbye... you haven't. I talk to my father everyday. I hear his voice. I see his face. He isn't HERE but I know he is with me.


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