Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Movie Review: Eat Pray Love

Starring: Julia Roberts, James Franco, Javier Bardem (they all start with "J")

I of course am one of those people that likes to read books before seeing the movie, if in fact the book is to become a movie. The book was hard to read...biographies are not my forte of book to read. it had it's ups and downs, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't a book that I could sink myself into, sadly. 

Having said that, the movie was...in my opinion...not worse then the book, but not 100% better either. The movie got off to a slow and rocky start. There were times when the acting seemed forced as well, which was painful and considering we are dealing with Julia Roberts here, I was a little let down. But the remainder of the movie she did have some redeeming moments where you could believe she was the character and that she wasn't obviously acting. 

The book had a lot of material to cover and at times the movie felt rushed, but it would have been impossible to get all of it in a 2 hour movie. The important parts were covered.  The concept of the movie at times felt fictional. While this movie is based on a true story, it's hard to believe and somewhat impractical. Elizabeth Gilbert is an extremely fortunate woman in that she was able to go out and heal and truly discover who she really is. This is a luxury most people going through a painful divorce can not afford. 

There were a few times when I connected with Elizabeth. I have this strong desire to travel and see the world. And, like her, I am a waiter. I wait for things to happen instead of making them happen myself. (this is something I am fully aware of and trying to work on) I share her sense of fear. It was a great thing that she was able to put her fear aside and grab life by the horns and go and find herself. it's a very brave and admirable thing to do. 

Without a doubt my favorite part of the movie was when she was spending her time in Italy. Of course that has nothing to do with the fact that I am 50% Italian/50% Sicilian. The scenery, the food and the people made me want to go to Italy even more then I already want to go. I love the buildings, the Italian people's outlook on life and the brick roads. One of my favorite lines from the Italian portion was when one of the characters, Luca Spaghetti, says that americans do not know how to do nothing, in Italian "la dolcezza di fale nothinh". I find this quote to be 100% true. We are always on the go, we are always rushing and we do not always stop and enjoy the small things or really embrace just how delicate life is, until it is too late. The other two countries she visited India and Bali were both rich in culture and scenery. There was a definite sense of deja vu for Julia Robert's character when she watched her young Indian friend, who wanted so much to go out and experience the wold and become educated, get married. You could see in her eyes that she felt trapped and that Roberts could feel her pain. They had a very special friendship! I enjoyed Ketut immensely. It's weird to think that there is someone out there that can "see" the future. And I enjoyed Javier Bardem's character as well. He was so relaxed and easy going, it came off in a sexy way. I loved seeing them together, they had some chemistry!!!

It's no secret that this movie has a spiritual vibe. Spirituality is a very personal thing and not all people are comfortable discussing it or being in the presence of people who discuss it. I have spiritual moments so a few of the quotes from the movie resonated with me, or rather stuck out. One: "God dwells within you as you" and the other "sometimes to lose balance for love is part of living a balanced life (Ketut)". There are more blurbs from the book I liked as well. 

Overall the movie ended much better that I expected it would based on the way it started. 

Saturday, March 26, 2011

The Fair

This week our county fair was in town. I haven't been to the fair in years, and of course this year I was there 4 times. 2 times with friends and 2 times visiting Firefighter while he had to volunteer. As I have gotten older I have grown out of my desire to ride the rides. I have developed some sort of vestibular thing (gosh I sound elderly) and to be honest, I am afraid of those rides that are thrown up in a week. 

Going to the fair reminds me of my youth. My parents used to own a local steak and hoagie shop that backed up to the fair grounds. Every year I would sit behind the shop and watch the rides go up. I slowly grew out of that phase and got to the point where, now, as an adult I completely forgot that the fair was coming and was shocked to see the rides and food booths up and ready to go. It certainly hasn't lost its charms, the local 4-H competitions, the DELICIOUS and greasy foods, and the elephant ears.. YUM-O!!!! But as an adult, without kids, it's not the same as it once was. Now we walk around, enjoy the shows (the Monkey show was hilarious), eat the food, and complain about the young and obnoxious teenagers taking over, when not all that long ago, we were the young and obnoxious teenagers. My my how the tables have turned. Here a few shots I feel capture the essence of the fair. 

I am sure once I have children and I can see it through their eyes I will be able to really and truly enjoy it again.

Happy weekend!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


So right now I am at a cross roads with work. I am very conflicted. My boss offered me more money to become a paralegal....something i have determined that i have no desire whatsoever in becoming.... and the new "lady" is being of more assistance to her in that department then i am. and since i haven't expressed an interest she isn't really giving me paralegal type things to do... and i get it. i am experiencing the weirdest thing... deep down i do not care that i am not learning more about being a paralegal, but then on the surface i do care. if that makes sense. i just don't know what i want to be doing right now.... i know that i am not happy at my job. i do not like working for attorneys. they are babies and they are lazy. oh and they are slobs. argh.... and i hate dealing with clients and making phone calls... woe is me right? i have all these thoughts and then i count my blessings that i have a job. in a perfect world i would be my own boss... but i don't know what i would be my own boss of... i am not good at any one thing that could be marketed or anything. my photography, if you want to call it that, is hit or miss... i can write poems, but they come and go... so i don't stick to any one thing... blech... i am just not my normal peppy self. 


i would love to post more then i do. more often then not though i forget what i am thinking and it's usually something, I feel, that will be this awesome post. I have a little notebook that i carry around with me and for the most part i get what i am thinking down, or at least most of it. It's so infuriating to me to have this great thought, and then to not be able to hold on to it.... ARGH!!! 

Can you feel my frustration?

Thursday, March 17, 2011

I have a headache...it must be a brain tumor

I am a bit of a hypochondriac, but my boss has me beat! i love her to death, but whenever she has a headache, it's a brain tumor and whenever there is a chest pain, it's a heart attack. and what gets me is that she went to medical school (impressive right? medical school THEN law school). And then there is my brother in law who is neurotic as well. He has thus made my sister a nut case as well about any aches and pains she feels. Oy! 

Anyway...back to me. Whenever I get aches/pains/funny feelings tend to start this inner monologue that turns into this dramatic episode in my head which has me landed in the hospital with some sort of mysterious condition. At times, though, I get myself so worked up that I fear closing my eyes at night (will I wake in the morning?). And then I don't sleep good. This generally happens when I am having a particularly bad episode of acid reflux. It gets so bad that at times I feel like there is an elephant on my chest. I know how to deal with it and I do attempt to home heal it, but my psyche gets carried away sometimes. 

And to make things even better... my Firefighter boyfriend is also a paramedic, as I may or may not have mentioned on here before, tends to, at times, sweep my concerns under the rug. Often times he may suggest going to the doctor... but who goes to the doctor anymore? I have far better things to spend my money on like yet another cooking magazine, which I may NEVER cook a recipe out of, but I digress....  He brushes things off and I wonder if that is his way to get me to calm down, but I often wonder if he would take me seriously if I have copious amounts of blood oozing from my body.  But it would be bad if he gave in to my every whim, right? Then I would be crying wolf... and NO one wants that.

Well better be going.... my fingers are starting to hurt, I think it's rheumatoid arthritis. 


this is a test

i am attempting to connect my blog to twitter.... did it work??????

new lady

so we got a new girl, pardon me, "woman", at work. her mere presences poses inner turmoil for me. i appreciate her being there and taking some of the pressures off of me with respect to the administrative duties. it's so nice to be able to actually have time to read documents pertaining to cases. 

she is a nice lady, let me say that upfront... i like her. she is sweet and accommodating, almost to a nauseating point. I can't stand people who are phony...and i get the impression that she is phony.  She INSISTS on getting me coffee in the morning... while some people may consider this a nice thing, it annoys the HELL out of me. First of all, she is older then me. She is too old to be so concerned about pleasing people. She compliments me CONSTANTLY! Again, nice but not necessary, and it's getting on my nerves. 

I appreciate that she is coming in to a new field and working with new people, but still... we have accepted you, we like you STOP TRYING SO HARD!!!! 

here are a few of the other things that get under my skin:
- she refuses to leave unless we are leaving at the same time. she thinks i will think he work ethic is bad. 
- she prefers that we arrive at the same time in the morning. 
- she announces to me EVERY time she goes out to have a cigarette, when i have told her multiple times to just go... 
- she HAS to talk to me EVERY time she comes through my office - not necessary. and she is always asking "how's it going", "what's going on"....

Perhaps I am bitter because I am concerned that I am being edged out... could be... who knows... 

I don't want to sound ungrateful that she is there, because I really do appreciate her being there and her help, but I don't want to chit chat with her. i want her to do her job, ask me questions about tasks and go about her day. Not too much to ask right? If it's after 5 and you feel that you are done for the day, then go home! Don't get me wrong I don't want it to sound like I am completely anti social with her, since we chat in the morning, but it's just that she is trying to hard and I do not know how to get her to know that it's ok, you fit in, you are accepted.  

I feel better that I got off that my chest... there is more work angst to be addressed.... that will be for a later date. 

Happy St. Patty's day!!!! 

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


There is a seriously senseless epidemic going on in my neck of the woods. In less then a month we have lost 5 teenagers to careless driving. In this particular accident there was a brother and sister involved, and you guessed it, those are the only children to that couple. I have NO words... none. No parent should have to bury their child. It's not the order of the world for the children to precede the parents in death. 

All I can think of are missed birthdays, missed opportunities, missed memories... It is all so unnecessary. Hopefully kids will wake up and realize that they need to be more respectful on the road, that they are NOT invincible and that tragedy can strike them and those they love. Why are the kids always taken before their time, yet the pedophiles, rapists, murders and the like live to be a ripe old age?  I just do not understand. It's just plain and utter nonsense.  I do not have children, but I have nieces and nephews that are about the ages of those "children" that were taken before their time. Although I do not currently know what it would be to feel the sting of the evil fate these parents have had handed to them, I can only imagine what it would be to lose one of my nieces/nephews. How do you recover as a family? As a couple? As a mother/father? As a person?

My heart goes out to those families who have lost their children. It's so enormously unfair.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


I love music. It affects me in such an indescribable way. I feel it deep and it can evoke emotions and memories that go way back. there are days that require cranking some good old fashion hard rock music....AC/DC, Metallica, Limp Bizkit, Muse, etc. 

There are songs that make me want to cry, that evoke emotions, and feelings, and paint future pictures for me. There are songs that I listen to that I can see myself dancing to at my wedding, songs I hear that make me think of my dad and grieve for him in an instant, and Limp Bizkit is a great stress reliever on the way home in the car when I have had a bad day. I shout it at the top of my lungs!!! And of course there are those songs that always make me want to dance. 

Venting music: 
Muse - Uprising
Limp Bizkit - Entire Results May vary album
Shonedown - Devour, Sound of Madness, Second Chance
Paramore - Ignorance, 

Dancing Music:
Michael Franti - Say Hey, I love you
David Guetta - Gettin Over you
La roux - Bulletproof
Far east Movement - Like a G6
Usher - OMG

Romantic Type Music: 
Lady antebellum - When you've got a good thing
Rascal Flatts - God Bless the Broken road
Pachebel - Canon D (processional song)

Dad's song:
Linkin Park - Leave out all the rest

Relaxing music: 
Ingrid Michaelson
Colbie Caillat
John Mayer
Michael Buble
Norah Jones
Sarra Bareilles

I am sure I could go on forever, but those are just some artists that float my boat. 

One Year Ago

Looking back to this time last year, I was fully entrenched in the Medifast program. I was losing weight and noticing changes and excited about the changes I was seeing and feeling. Also this time last year Firefighter and I went to Epcot for the Garden and Flower Festival. Now, as I sit here, this year, so far... I have lost my mojo. I don't know where it is and how I can get it back. I was so motivated and soooo close and now I feel like I am starting over and I am back in the bad place... back in the "I can't do this" phase. I am now entering a lazy phase... a I am content with where I am phase... UGH! I can't figure out how to get back to where I was a year ago. I honestly don't remember the last time I lost weight. I know that i have gained weight recently. I do blame some of it on the new thyroid meds, or rather on the thyroid condition. Once I get "balanced" (and I use that term loosely) hopefully things will balance out. But it's hard to not blame the meds when they are one of the only things that has changed in the mix. Yes, dad passed away and that is stressful so there is that, that I am dealing with... Yes we have hired someone new at work and I was training and working intensely for two weeks, so that was stressful. And to be brutally honest, I haven't been to the gym like I should be, but apparently I was working out like a fiend before dad got sick... this i do not remember. I know what I need to do, as I always have, and yet for some reason I can't seem to get off my arse and get it done. I need to get back to where I was one year ago.... Ugh, I wish it was easier to turn back time. 

Monday, March 14, 2011

weekend activities

This passed weekend in our area there was a Rib Cook off for a local firefighter's benevolent fund on Saturday. There were 13 booths that offered ribs all cooked differently, with different recipes. Unfortunately I was battling very bad heartburn so I wasn't able to imbibe, but Firefighter and our friends enjoyed the ribs quite well. 
A local culinary school, Keiser, was there as well and they prepared some delicious sides. I ate those... YUMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!

On Sunday, I went to a spring training game with my sister and her husband. We host the Baltimore Orioles and they were playing the Detroit Tigers yesterday. 

this is the new stadium our city built for the Orioles. It's gorgeous. 

All in all it was a good weekend. However, if I had put on sunscreen it would have been better. I am a lobster today. Stayed home from work to recuperate. It hurts to crinkle my face. 

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

March = L.O.V.E.

I love March!  

It's my FAVORITE month. It's the onset of Spring and there is a sense of rejuvenation in the air. For me there is a pure sense of joy that is almost tangible. I love the rebirth of nature happening everywhere around me. It's such a reminder that life goes on and that it is possible to start fresh. The greenery reappearing, the vibrant colors awakening from their winter slumber... it's just magical. The days seem longer and time doesn't seem to rush and pass me by. The air is crisper and cooler. There is a pep in my step and I wish I could bottle the positivity and the motivation that I tend to feel in my veins. It would come in handy during those not so rejuvenating times of the year. (HA!) This weather and atmosphere tends to motivate me more then any other time of the year. Oh how I wish that feeling could last all year.

"March is the month of expectation,
The things we do not know,
The Persons of Prognostication
Are coming now.
We try to sham becoming firmness,
But pompous joy
Betrays us, as his first betrothal
Betrays a boy."
-  Emily Dickinson, XLVI

Yesterday the twig was brown and bare;
To-day the glint of green is there;
Tomorrow will be leaflets spare;
I know no thing so wondrous fair,
No miracle so strangely rare.
I wonder what will next be there!
~L.H. Bailey


I don't like change. 
And well, death changes things. 
It ends a life. 
It puts plans on hold. 
It brings perspective. 
It brings your idea of reality to a screeching hault. 
It knocks you off your feet. 
It breaks your heart. And this kind of heartbreak can't ever truly be mended. The broken heart of a failed relationship can be mended or bandaged with the knowledge that you will love again. The broken heart as the result of a parents' death, can't be bandaged the same way. You only get one set of parents. They can never be replaced.

For some people, myself included, we hold our parents to a higher almost God like standard. They are immortal. Nothing can happen to them.... they are my parents. I KNOW other people die, but naively I never thought it would happen to me. I mean what kind of world would it be without my mom and dad. And now I know.... it's the same place, but I feel a little more vulnerable. 

Even though dad has been in and out of the hospital over the last 7 years, and I had on several occasions prepared myself for his death, the reality is/was much more harsh and harder to grasp. 

I promised myself that I wouldn't let this become engulfed in the grieving and mourning of my father. I have a separate blog that is for him, but this I felt like sharing.  

There are many people out there that have no idea what it's like to lose a parent, and it's sadly something we all will face. You can never be ready for this kind of heartbreak. No matter how much you think you are ready, or if you think you have said goodbye... you haven't. I talk to my father everyday. I hear his voice. I see his face. He isn't HERE but I know he is with me.