Sunday, February 20, 2011

sad but true....

I am about over this not sleeping crap. 
* I woke up at 2am today. For no good reason. I took a melatonin last night and i feel asleep ok, but obviously didn't stay asleep. I was so looking forward to sleeping. This is really putting a damper on my productivity for the day. 
* As I have mentioned previously I really hate the new thyroid meds. 
* I have gained weight. This is not something I am proud to admit. I can sit here and blame dad, the holidays, but the fact of the matter is, I haven't been paying attention. Although I am going to blame some of it definitely on the new thyroid meds. I feel like half of the problem with the new meds is that they cause me to retain fluid like crazy. So I think part of some of the weight that I have gained is water weight. Perhaps once we make changes, that will be eliminated. I have a doctor's appointment on Monday and hopefully the doctor and I will come up with a plan. It's upsetting that I now have clothes that do not fit me, that fit me 2 months ago. I know at least what part of the problem is.... i was scarfing protein bars that were 200 calories and the ones on the Medifast are only 100, so there was part of the problem. I don't even want to get on the scale anymore and I don't want to put another thing in my mouth. It's so depressing. I worked hard, dad was so proud of me. I also need to get back to the gym. Hopefully things at work will slow down enough to allow me to go to the gym on a more regular basis. I get so mad at myself for letting this happen. I was so close to my goal and now I feel like I have to start over. Dammit!

Hope everyone has a great Sunday. 
Love, Leesha

Friday, February 18, 2011

name change

just recently i have been considering changing the name of my blog to "love leehsa". Idk .. .. .. .. just an idea.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

camera lens

on a side note i am considering getting this lens for myself. 

tidbits

Life is passing me by lately. 
I have been so busy at work lately that when I come home from work, all I want to do is veg. I don't even know how we got so busy. It seemed to happen over night. 
I hate the side effects of my new meds, and of course I am pretty sure that the doctor is going to tell me that I am "normal"....whatever that means. 
I don't feel like I am losing anymore weight. 
All I want to do anymore is stuff my face and spend my money. And in the same breath, I want to save every penny if that makes any sense. I'd love to get a new car, but I am going to be debt free soon and that's such a nice feeling that I don't want to muck it up with a car payment and higher insurance.
Mom went on her cruise and had a fabulous time. Dad made an appearance, in a weird way. On their anniversary, Feb 6, one of the performers sang a song by Lou Rawls, You'll Never Find, and that was one of "their" songs. It was dad's way of telling mom that he was there with her. She also won $33. YAY!!!! 
Firefighter has applied for a firemedic job in the county he is volunteering in. Fingers crossed that all goes well and he gets the job. That would be ideal! 
I am having a hard time dealing with dad's death lately. I have gotten to a point where I am just numb. I look at pictures and show no emotion and when we talk about him, I feel nothing. It saddens me. I HOPE this is just a phase. 


Ho hum.... 


Hopefully I will have good news to report next month on firefighter's job!


Love Licia

Monday, February 7, 2011

Words

I always have an urge, a desire to write. I have all these thoughts in my head that I want to get out, but I can't always find the right words. So I tend to think about things and word them in my head, and they never seem to make it out of my head. Vicious circle. I like words, always have. I enjoy learning new words and finding ways to use them. However, I don't have anything all that interesting to write about. 

- I do not have kids. 

- I am not "actively" planning a wedding. 

- I am not a coupon cutter. 

- I don't have any serious obsessions/hobbies. 

- I am not EXCITED about my job. It pays the bills and that is about it right now. 

- I didn't go back to school. I want to go back and I have expressed that on here multiple times. but have yet to go. I still do not know what I want to be when I grow up. I have planned to go back but I almost feel like it would be wasted since I have not committed to a major. 

- I miss my dad. I could write about this all day. Everyday new things pop up that remind me of him, or make me want to call him. At times I think I hear his voice and see him clear as day. It hurts me. It's been 4 months and yet at times it feels like it was yesterday. There are so many things that are going to be adjustments over the next year. There are still milestones we have to reach without him. Mom is on her cruise right now that was supposed to be for their 45th wedding anniversary. It was a gift from my aunt and uncle. She is with my sister. She has never been on a cruise so it's soooo exciting for her. However, when she comes home, there will be a void. She put dad's hospital bed up for sale before she left. It sold and has been taken out of the house while she was gone. I cried a little when I got here and it was gone. It was so much a part of his life for the last few years, he spent a lot of time there since he was in so much pain. Anyway - that is just another example of how things will change.... getting rid of his things slowly. 

- My new thyroid meds are killing me. They are killing my spirit and my love of life. I was afraid this was going to happen, but I wanted to try out the new drug that was out there for my condition. It's basically making me feel like I am a crazy person all the time, I am irritable, I have depressing thoughts, a negative frame of mind and just overall do NOT feel good. This is part of the process though of treating hyperthyroidism. You try meds and get poked to test your blood and adjust the meds, it's a vicious, unrelenting cycle. It's a huge inconvenience to everyday life. My body has aches and pains for no real reason either. But the mental part of it is the hardest to overcome and takes the most work to manage. I have a call into my doctor so we shall see what happens. 

- I have gained some weight, not a lot, but enough to bother me. It's depressing the hell out of me. I was feeling so good and so much enjoying my life and enjoying how I felt and the weight is enough to make some of the clothes I bought feel a little snug. So now I have to recommit myself totally to my diet. I have been a little off lately. I was SOOOO close to my goal and now I have set myself back. Some of the reclaimed weight I am calling "mourning weight" so that I can justify it to myself. I will get there, but I am just discouraged at the moment. It will pass. 

So there you have it..... my word usage for the day! 

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Time

So I totally thought that there was a month after December and before February?? 
Where did January go?!?!
I have never been so busy in my life. It felt like I never came up for air. Work was so crazy last month. In a two week time frame I racked up 12 hours of OT helping prepare for a monster of a case, which is over now. 

Tidbits - 
- Firefighter has completed volunteer training! YAY!!! 
- I am sort of getting a promotion. Boss has hired someone to relieve me of the admin duties so that I can do more legal work. This will mean a raise. Ca Ching!
- Ummm..... we filed our taxes.
- My accident lawsuit finally settled! CA CHING! This will result in paying of a major credit card.... can you say DEBT FREE!!!!!
- I started a 365 picture a day project. It's fun so far! It has really made me more aware of the world around me. 
- Our TV broke! :(
- We (firefighter and I) have started a breakfast club. Every Sunday we gather a group of friends together and pick a different restaurant each time and go out for breakfast. It's nice. It allows us to catch up with them since our lives are all going in different directions. 

So that is all for now! I am still alive and kicking!!!