Saturday, January 15, 2011

What I was wearing

I remember what I was wearing when... 
- I signed the paperwork for my FIRST financed car, that incidentally my dad helped me to pick out - 2003 Hyundai Elantra
- the day after Firefighter admitted he had feelings for me
- Firefighter and I kissed for the first time. I remember what he was wearing too!
- Firefighter surprised me with a Christmas tree and decorations that he picked out for our first place together 
- dad was admitted to the hospital the last time
- I realized that we were going to be saying goodbye to dad (it was the moment my brother from Pittsburgh told me he was looking for flights to come down - I was at work)
- the doctor told us the bad news
- dad passed away (i remember what mom was wearing too)
- we held dad's service


It amazes me that I am able to remember what I was wearing for each of these events. It's totally crazy. Needless to say I don't have the clothes from the first few incidents, as they took place years ago, but now whenever I put on the dress I was wearing that I had on the day I realized dad was leaving us, I remember that and the feeling of desperation and angst that I had. I remember sitting in my office and bawling because I knew what was coming and that there was nothing that I could do about it. 

When mom and I took him to the hospital the last time I had gym clothes on. I don't think I ever made it to the gym that night, but I know that is what I was wearing. I remember having Panera for dinner in the ER waiting for him to get admitted. I remember once they got him a room the nurse coming in and out and in and out injecting him with this and that... I remember the poor older gentleman in the bed next to dad that was suffering from dementia and kept calling for his deceased wife. I remember my mother crying when the nurse listed all the issues dad was having. I remember having a knot in my stomach. Not good memories. But most of all, from that night, I remember dad and his general jovial disposition. He never really showed that he was scared. I am sure that he was though. 

I am sure over time these associations of these memories will diminish. Although I am sure I will always remember what I was wearing when we said goodbye. 

Do you remember what you were wearing for any particular life event?

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