Friday, October 29, 2010

untitled

there is so much i want to say and at the same breath i feel like i have nothing to say. 

my father is gone and i can't get the feeling that it is a dream to go away. i can't grasp it or understand it. looking at recent pictures makes it harder because he didn't look sick. we all knew he had issues, but it happened so fast.... it wasn't cancer or anything either.... and i am heartbroken for my mother...i wish i could wrap her in my arms and carry her with me everywhere. 

you know death is a part of life and you hear about it happening to other people, but that doesn't always make it real. it's happened to me, i have lost someone and yet the concept escapes me. how can he be gone when he was just here a minute ago? that is the sensation i walk around with all day. 
i can't wait for this month to end. time is dragging and the days seem longer. it doesn't help that the time is getting ready to change. i am indifferent about the coming up holidays as well...how is that going to feel? 

i wish we had had more time.... 

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