Monday, October 11, 2010

surreality

It's been over a week and i still can't quite grasp the fact that my father is no longer with us. I can't fully understand that he has passed away. It is the weirdest kind of reality. It's surreality. I see him and hear him everywhere. 

It's less real when I am not at my parent's house. When I am there, I can hear his voice more distinctly and see him more clearly.  It's freaky to have this visual of him that isn't tangible. At times I feel like I can reach out and touch him, but it's an illusion. When I am at work or home it's a figment of my imagination. It's like an obscure thought that I am having and waiting for it to pass. But then a small dose of reality trickles in and I realize that this isn't something I can wish away.  It's real and it's happening and I am powerless.

I think part of the reason it hasn't sunk in is because we haven't had a funeral or service yet. That will be taking place this Saturday at our church. I think then, maybe, some sort of reality will strike and maybe I will realize that he is really gone.  Today is Monday and I already have knots in my stomach about that day. It's going to be a sad day... a day that I was not prepared for and am still not fully prepared for.


RIP Dad 10/19/44 - 10/01/10

4 comments:

  1. I am your newest follower! It saddens me to see that you have lost someone so close to you! Allow yourself to mourn! I lost my father when I was in high school and I didn't allow myself enough time and I still haven't fully recovered and that was almost 8 years ago.

    I hope you are doing alright and I look forward to being part of your blogging family!

    Make today a great day!
    http://latache-t.blogspot.com

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  2. Thank you for following me and thanks for the advice. I can honestly say this is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with...

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  3. oh sweetie, I'm so so sorry. You and your mom (and family) will be in our thoughts and prayers. If there is ANYTHING I can do please don't hesitate to ask. Let yourself cry and don't hold it in. Keep having your family Sunday dinners and be there for your momma as I'm sure you will. I love you sweetheart and please call if you need anything.
    xoxo t.

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