Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Does Google have a life map?

On the Mamaslosinit long list of writing prompts, I found one asking you if you felt lost and if so why. So here are the following reasons why I am feeling lost at this present moment in time, even though I know exactly where I am:

I went on about this before in a previous post. I have this incredibly strong urge/pull to go back to school. However, what do I do when I get there?? I have no life passion and I think there are things that I would be interested in, but then I fear I wouldn't do well. So fear is a part of this, as well as uncertainty. I know some people feel college is overrated and I have a friend who went to college and isn't in a good situation, but at least she gets to use her degree. I just feel stuck in this place of in between and I hate it.

So I HATE my job. I do not have a firm grasp on what it is I am talking about and that alone is a major problem for me. I don't like the law and the way that it screws people. Not to mention that in family law things change constantly. There is no exact way to do things. Every case is different. Not just that aspect gets me. The accounting and billing stuff is a major bump in the road for me. I was handed this job and everything was dropped in my lap and I haven't really had any formal training. So my confidence level sucks when it comes to this. And then I go back to the issue of school, because I feel like if I don't get out of this job soon, I will become a job hopper and I do not want that at all. My boss seems to show little interest, working from home 90% of the time and that makes me nervous. Clients don't always pay, so that is a stressor as well. I am just really unhappy with this aspect.

I am not happy where we live...that is no secret. However, recently we have discovered that there are a TON (exaggeration implied) of houses for sale in our price range about 30 minutes south of where we currently live. There are so many factors to consider, before up and moving down there. Firefighter hasn't really expressed real interest because he doesn't feel that we are financially secure enough to have our own house. And while I do agree, I want out of where we live so badly that I almost don't care. (Brothers - mother knows nothing of this..mum is the word please)

I am not trying to be one of those whiny people who complains about their situation but does nothing to change it. I want to change and I plan to, sometimes it's just harder to do things then it is to say them. Actions by far, do speak louder then words. I need to get myself motivated to go back to school if that is what I really want and perhaps look for a different job, but I am not sure that I should do both at the same time. 

OY.... If google had a life map this wouldn't be so hard on me! 

1 comment:

  1. My living situation just got fixed this year and is perfect. I don't hate my job but it isn't exactly fulfilling and school. Where do I begin? It's nice to know I am not the only one that wishes google had a roadmap for life.