Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Firefighter is OFFICIALLY a Volunteer!!!

We are super excited. I still can't believe that it's all almost coming together. Now we just need him to pass the Paramedic State test to become licensed then it would be PERFECTION!!! He has been trying so hard for so long and he has been so patient, far more patient than I have been, and he deserves this. He deserves to accomplish his dream, especially considering that his parents haven't exactly been super supportive. When he was in high school they would tell him to drop out and get his GED. Seriously?!?!? And his father is a teacher... SERIOUSLY?!?!? So needless to say, he continued high school and graduated over the summer in 2001, in spite of them!!!! 

So we do not know the details as of yet. I am not sure how often he will have to volunteer, how it works, what gear he will get, where he will be or what exactly he will be doing. He has a meeting in about 3 weeks, ugh MORE waiting.... Another cool thing is that the county we live in, is restructuring their hiring procedure. THey are going to pull from the pool of volunteers and then open it up to the public.... THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON!!!! 

I am hopeful, for the first time in a long time. I believe that it will happen, that things are falling into place. I never doubted him, I doubted the system. It's so weird the way it's set up and they are so militant with the way things are run.

I am super excited about the changes that are coming. I am excited about the people he will get to meet and the doors thats will become open to him. This is so rare for me, as I usually fear change, to death.

I am trying not to get too excited, or get my hopes up too much, but it's hard not to get my hopes up. So much is riding on Firefighter getting a job and the fact that he is *THIS* close makes me EXCITED and HOPEFUL! So here's to hoping!!!!!  

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Baseball heartbreak

Firefighter has recently gotten me more interested in watching baseball. Our local teams is the Tampa Bay Rays. 

I have grown attached to the players and I don't want to see any of them leave. This is such a cruel reality to be faced with. We become fans of players and watch them grow as a player and better our team and reputation and then they up and leave you....for more money...BASTARDS!!!! Why can't it be about playing for a team that you love and because you love the game?!?! I have never been a competitive person, so this is hard for me to grasp. It just isn't fair. 

Some of the key players that will be leaving us this year are:

Carlos Pena

and Carl Crawford

Both are good players, but Crawford is a real asset to the team. It will be a sad day in Tampa Bay when he leaves the team. Crawford is fast and a chance taker... he is known for his propensity to steal bases. Pitchers fear him. So needless to say he was becoming my favorite, not to mention that he is number 13...my FAVE number. JERK!!!

Now I know how the people in Cleveland feel....

Friday, July 23, 2010

Movie Review: World Trade Center

September 11, 2001 changed the world for all of us. I am sure we can all remember where we were when we heard the news. I was home, living with my parents, watching  TV. Dad had just returned from work and Firefighter was sleeping on the couch in the other room. We had on the news when the 2nd plane hit. I remember thinking, this is like a movie not reality. 

World Trade Center is told from the angle of 2 port authority police officers Nichloas Cage, who plays John McCloughlin, and Michael Pena, who plays Will Jimeno, who were trapped in Trade Center building 5. They were enroute to building 1 when one of the towers collapsed and caused the Trade Center building 5 to crumble and trap them and their crew. They were the only 2 our of their 5 man crew that made it out of the collapse alive. It wasn't certain how many hours they were down there, but it was a very long time.  The other tower collapsed while they were trapped which sent fire balls shooting past Jimeno's head and in fact striking his elbow. (Dying in a fire scares me to death) McLoughlin was buried deeper then Jimeno. Through out their time down there the movie goes back and forth to their families and the torture they went through waiting and watching and knowing that there isn't anything they can do.

This is not a movie to really critique. It's not made for entertainment. It's made to inform us what these police officers went through. It's their point of view. One thing I had to keep reminding myself while watching this movie was that it was a true story. You can't really sit there and think, "Oh, he'll make it", or "This is totally not believable", because it actually happened. It's amazing to watch the rescue men endanger their own lives to save those of others, complete strangers. The efforts that were expended to rescue these two men was amazing.

I have to say that this movie is not what I expected. I am not sure what I was expecting, but this wasn't it. It was torture to watch it. To see these two men just sitting their waiting and making their peace with God and in their own ways saying goodbye to their wives and families, not knowing if they would be rescued and if they would, when it would happen.   

Officers Jimeno and McLoughlin were 2 of the 20 survivors pulled from the rubble. They were numbers 18 and 19.

Favorite part of relationships

- first kisses
- first dates
- first time holding hands 
- first vacation together
- stolen glances (especially if you work together)
- when your hands brush each others
- dancing together to "your" song
- having secrets

- having inside jokes or handshakes
- being comfortable with each other
- knowing someone better then they know themselves
- having someone know you better then you know yourself, this is a bit scary at times
- anniversaries
- missing the other person even though you just saw them
- making each other laugh**** 
- letting your guard down
- reaching milestones together
- helping one another achieve a goal
- creating a life together
- realizing this is the person you want to grow old with

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

dark and twisty (a rant)

I back in a dark and twisty place that I haven't been in for a while. It is largely to do with things going on at work. 

We have a client that will NOT listen to anything that we say and she questions everything that comes out of our mouths and doesn't seem to trust us. In this instance I want to say to her, "why in the hell did you hire us then?" Granted things are kind of stressful in regards to her case right now for one of her kids and she is doing what a good mother should, making sure her kid gets the best, but you hired an attorney for a reason....what's the point if you aren't going to trust their advice? And she seems to think that by saying she is going to go and talk to another attorney, that it will scare us or something. If you want to go and talk to another attorney, fine go for it, you don't scare me, it's not like you are paying us anyways. I would hate to be in her position, but you came to a professional for a reason, she couldn't handle it herself, so we are here to help. My boss is away until August 6, and the associate attorney is here handling things, but this client will NOT listen to her because she isn't as experienced as my boss, but even when we tell her the boss said this that or the other, she doesn't buy it and questions it. I try talking to her and answering questions and she keeps offering up these suggestions and situation manipulations and the law doesn't work like that. Then we tell her things and she says she had never heard that before when we have told her these things before she just has selective hearing. And then she proceeds to think she is as smart as the attorneys... HA!!! Did you go to law school? Did you get a degree?? I DON'T THINK SO!!!! It's so damn frustrating and I am at the end of my rope. She sucks the life out of me and I can honestly say that I more then strongly dislike her, we are on the verge of hate here people and that is a strong word, HATE. Sadly I have let this woman invade my head outside of work. I am starting to not care and that is not something that I am proud of or like to admit.

The law is not a good thing, and it doesn't always protect the innocent or good people. I have a very hard time working in this field. I really, strongly want out, as I have stressed on here before numerous times. I could go on and on about this but I just needed to get that out. I think it will help my mentality today. Here's to hoping!!!!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Movie Review: Leap Year

I recently watched Leap Year starring Amy Adams and Matthew Goode on Blueray. This is one of the first movies I have seen with Amy Adams. She is adorable. And Matthew Goode is a cutie. 

Amy Adams, plays a woman who has it all. A great boyfriend, a good paying job, a killer wardrobe and great taste. Her boyfriend Jeremy, is a cardiologist and they have been together for 4 years. Anna (Adams) decides to meet her boyfriend in Ireland so that she can propose to him on Leap Year. Well in her efforts to get there, a myriad of things go wrong and she ends up traveling across Ireland with Declan (Goode) and thereby falling in love with him. She returns home with Jeremy and tries to return to their "normal" life, but soon discovers that her heart lies in Ireland.

I would have to say that I wasn't thrilled with the movie. I enjoyed it but wasn't really impressed. It didn't seem like anything special. For a while there the acting seemed forced. While Goode is totally adorable and believable as a down on his luck Irish man, his accent was very heavy and I had a hard time understanding him at times. Adams was believable as an uptight, rigid and ultra organized Anna. She did a good job with the stiffness and determination of her character. 

Not a favorite movie of mine, but it was entertaining if you have no cable, which was the case for me on Saturday when I watched.  

Up next from  Netflix: World Trade Center.

Does Google have a life map?

On the Mamaslosinit long list of writing prompts, I found one asking you if you felt lost and if so why. So here are the following reasons why I am feeling lost at this present moment in time, even though I know exactly where I am:

I went on about this before in a previous post. I have this incredibly strong urge/pull to go back to school. However, what do I do when I get there?? I have no life passion and I think there are things that I would be interested in, but then I fear I wouldn't do well. So fear is a part of this, as well as uncertainty. I know some people feel college is overrated and I have a friend who went to college and isn't in a good situation, but at least she gets to use her degree. I just feel stuck in this place of in between and I hate it.

So I HATE my job. I do not have a firm grasp on what it is I am talking about and that alone is a major problem for me. I don't like the law and the way that it screws people. Not to mention that in family law things change constantly. There is no exact way to do things. Every case is different. Not just that aspect gets me. The accounting and billing stuff is a major bump in the road for me. I was handed this job and everything was dropped in my lap and I haven't really had any formal training. So my confidence level sucks when it comes to this. And then I go back to the issue of school, because I feel like if I don't get out of this job soon, I will become a job hopper and I do not want that at all. My boss seems to show little interest, working from home 90% of the time and that makes me nervous. Clients don't always pay, so that is a stressor as well. I am just really unhappy with this aspect.

I am not happy where we live...that is no secret. However, recently we have discovered that there are a TON (exaggeration implied) of houses for sale in our price range about 30 minutes south of where we currently live. There are so many factors to consider, before up and moving down there. Firefighter hasn't really expressed real interest because he doesn't feel that we are financially secure enough to have our own house. And while I do agree, I want out of where we live so badly that I almost don't care. (Brothers - mother knows nothing of this..mum is the word please)

I am not trying to be one of those whiny people who complains about their situation but does nothing to change it. I want to change and I plan to, sometimes it's just harder to do things then it is to say them. Actions by far, do speak louder then words. I need to get myself motivated to go back to school if that is what I really want and perhaps look for a different job, but I am not sure that I should do both at the same time. 

OY.... If google had a life map this wouldn't be so hard on me! 

Friday, July 16, 2010

Inspiration Station: Mamaslosinit

I happened to stumble across this blog in my blog hoping and I was intrigued by the vast number of writing prompts her site offered. So I decided to peruse the list and in turn make a list of the prompts that I like and use those to help me get inspired to write more blog posts. There are numerous writing prompts and they vary in nature. I am excited to get started using her and other people's prompts to help me write more. I have always wanted to write and perhaps this will help me to better find and establish my voice and style.

Mama's Losin' It

Thursday, July 15, 2010

10 things I LOVE right now

To compliment the post I did last night about the 10 things that I am sick of, I decided to do a post about 10 things that I LOVE right now. So here we go:

1. I love coffee when I get home from work. 
2. I love having weekly dinner dates with my parents. AWWW bonding time...
3. I love that things have slowed down a little at home. For a while there, we were doing something every weekend, which prompted this post. 
4. I love shopping for clothes now and the options that have opened up for me. (Thank you Medifast!)
5. I love that I get to have Da Ru Ma's at the end of the month for Firefighter and I's anniversary dinner. This is my favorite place to eat and we only go once a year on our anniversary so it remains special. 
6. I love that Firefighter and I have a secret handshake... YES WE ARE DORKS! 
7. I love love love RESCUE ME!!!!! Not just because it's about firefighters, but because it's a great show and it's well written. If you haven't seen it yet, you should consider watching it. 
8. I love the weekends. But then again this is a constant thing and who doesn't like the weekend?!?!? 
9. I love that I have this creative outlet. I just wish that I had more interesting things to say. 
10. I love being 30. I was scared at first, not sure why, but I am very comfortable with myself, for the most part. A large part of this is because of the weight loss. 

So there you have it, something positive and cheery!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

10 things I am sick of right now....

1. Celebrities being idolized more then teachers/doctors, etc. - we as a society put too much emphasis on trying to be celebrities and trying to make millions. I get that people want to be famous and rich, but this is not something that we should be teaching our children. They should look up to teachers, doctors, firefighters, police officers, etc. These are the types of people and professions that are more within our grasp.

2. Athletes making butt loads of money - seriously, you get paid thousands of dollars to hit a ball? This to me is horrible. There are people out there that are good, hard working Americans that can barely afford to keep the roof over their heads, and these athletes have money coming out of their arse and they take advantage. Not all of them give back or help out a charity either. Some of them do and that is great, but sadly they are the exception...not the rule. 

3. The law doesn't always help people - I work for a divorce attorney and it saddens me to listen to our clients call in and seek our help and at times there is nothing we can do to help them. Then it just seems to help the other person, that is the "bad" person. IT SUCKS!!!!!

4. Illegal immigrants - need I say more. I could go on and on about this, but basically I hate how they are sucking this country of our money and resources. 


6. My dog having multiple accidents on the carpet. 

7. People who like to sue for stupid stuff - "Hello McDonald's, are you going to serve me hot coffee? Great, I will poor it on myself and get $1 million dollars."

8. Reality tv shows - DISLIKE KATE GOSSELIN.... DISLIKE THE HOUSEWIVES OF ANY COUNTY AND WHAT THE EFF IS UP WITH JERSEY SHORE... These are the worst kind of "celebrities". They didn't have to do anything to become famous. They didn't have to master a craft or perfect a skill... And these fakebrities are being paid more then teachers or firefighters or police officers. How is this fair??? 

9. People who can't laugh at themselves - we take ourselves too seriously. We need to lighten up. 

10. HAVING to work... I would much rather have the option to work rather then be forced to work.... But I am pretty sure that I am not alone on this point! :)

PS - I am NOT a teacher, but I am dating a firefighter! :)

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

What is a best friend?

There is no set definition for what a best friend is, i think. I think it's different for each person. It's whatever the needs are of individual person. 

I have several ladies that I would consider to be my best friends. They are all different and they all fit me and they each hold a different "function"(I don't  mean that to sound so technical, but there isn't another word that came to mind). I know that I could go to ANY of them about anything and they would be there for me at anytime, but I know my friend K loves to shop at Target or Old Navy and likes to eat at Panera, so that is something that we would do together, and we talk every day! She is laid back and we share the fact that we both met our significant others at the movie theater. And she has the cutest little girl too that I love hanging out with. Then there is M, who has a very similar family mentality that I do. She invites me to her family functions and likes to go the movies, that is something that we do together and we talk weekly. M and I met at work a few years ago. She has a little boy that is too cute and I wish that I got to see her more. Then there is E, my "person" I would call her. She and I have a rare connection. We can read each others minds, even over the phone or through text messaging. We love Grey's Anatomy and Friends. We talk most everyday and have a tendency to be very analytical over EVERYTHING... We used to work together too and until she met her hubby and had her baby she would come over every Thursday for dinner and we would watch Grey's together. Then is one friend I have, whom I work with everyday, C. Our  family lives parallel each other in weird ways. We share the same taste in clothes and books and movies for the most part. And our thinking is closely linked as well on some things. She calls me a best friend and yet she never really invites me to go places with her outside of work. I don't understand how I can be her best friend if I am not included in things outside of work... It's weird to me. Don't get me wrong, I don't think that I would be comfortable with C's church friends. We just aren't the same. I do get upset at times when I am not included then in the same breath, I am relieved, because in the few instances I have been out with them, I am not included and I don't know what is going on.

Of course Firefighter is my BESTest friend. I can truly be myself with him and tell him anything. I can make him laugh, which I consider to be a great accomplishment, and he can make me giggle too! We have such a great time together. 

But I digress... 

Firefighter seems to think that girl friendships are the same as boy friendships and I disagree. Girls and boys are built differently... we bond over different things. And for some reason when you get certain girls together and there isn't a commonality between them, then it becomes awkward. That has happened to me recently when I tried to get C and K together. Not so much... However, K and E and I had a great time together. Firefighter is always trying to get me to mix the girls together and that doesn't always work.  

I have never been one of those girls that has throngs of girlfriends. I usually only have a handful of them, because truth be told, women are catty and mean. I get along better with guys, I don't understand why that is. My sister is the same way. But I think that the group of ladies I call my best friends are rare women and I love them all individually and for different reasons. All of them combined would be the perfect best friend. 

Sunday, July 11, 2010


my best friend got married today.... totally bittersweet for me. 

I looked pretty, she looked awesome.... I CAN'T WAIT TO GET MARRIED!!!!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Stone Crabs game

Saturday night Firefighter and I went down to Port Charlotte and watched the Stone Crabs play. They are the Tampa Bay Rays farm league team. They are actually doing pretty well, apparently! I didn't realize, that this is the stadium where the Rays have their spring training games. Next season, I SOOOO want to go and watch the Rays play there. It's a nice stadium. It's not a dome, but rather an open stadium, which in my opinion made it feel more like a baseball game. We sat on a patch of grass on the third base side and watched the game. If only I could have had a hot dog... Oh well!!! 

I had a lot of fun and it was nice to do something with different people. Don't get me wrong I enjoy spending time with our friends, but I like a change of pace and faces. Not to mention that with this particular couple, I am included, I am talked to.  Anyway it was a really nice time and after the game there were fireworks. I so love fireworks. Unfortunately my pics didn't turn out that great.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Self Image

I am having a hard time adjusting to the fact that I am shrinking. When I look in the mirror I don't look THAT different. I look like me, but a little smaller. There are some obvious changes that I have noticed and make me happy, but there are other things that haven't really changed all that much yet. I can definitely notice it in my face and my hips, and my FEET!!!! Other places where I would like to notice the weight loss, like my stomach and my legs, I don't see it so much. I hope that I will over time. 

Shopping has become a lot more fun and dangerous at the same time.  I no longer have to buy XL, I am a Medium now. It's still shocking to me when I go shopping and try on mediums and they FIT me, I mean they actually FIT ME! It's hard to believe. It's been so long since I have been able to wear a medium that I forgot about all the options that are now available to me. Sometimes when I try things on I just stand in the dressing room in disbelief that I am wearing that smaller size. 

People's reactions are priceless too! I mean people are just, well, shocked. And while I appreciate the compliments about how great I look now, it makes me think to myself, "My god, was I really that fat?" I never considered myself fat. I considered myself overweight. So when I hear the comments and praise, it makes me think that I really was fat and that I was just living in a little dream world. Which very well may have been the case. I don't do well with compliments either. I get embarrassed and never really know what to day other then Thank you! 

On the flip side of this all, I have become a little bit of a diva in my own mind at times. I think to myself, "I look awesome" or "I am HOT". It's a bit more cocky then I used to perceive myself. I tend to walk with a bit of an air about me now, which can be good, because I am more confident now, but I don't want people thinking that I am a snob either. 

I am so very glad that I started this diet. Even with the struggling, it's been worth it. I feel like I am such a different person now. I feel like I have emerged from this shell in which I was hiding. Hopefully this will help me to be less scared in life. I truly believe that this experience has not just been about getting healthy, but it's been a life changing experience. I like who I am more now and I want so much more to embrace all of life. 

If I had my way, I'd go back and do high school all over again! Ha ha!!!

one step closer

Firefighter is getting one step closer to actually being a firefighter. He has an interview with the volunteer coordinator next week to hopefully get picked up as a volunteer in our county. This is something that really needs to happen for 2 reasons: 1) his certifications expire at the end of the year; 2) this is one step closer to helping him get a job within our county. The county we live in kind of prefers that you volunteer here first, before they hire you. So we are excited! The interview is either next Thursday or Friday.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Happy 4th

Hope everyone has a safe and happy fourth of July. It is great that we live in this country and have the freedoms and liberties that we do! Thank you to all who have made our freedom and independence a possibility!! 

Happy Independence Day!!!

Saturday, July 3, 2010


I haven't really been too much into the photography thing lately. Which is upsetting to me. But I did take a few pics of my kitty, Zazu last week that I really liked so I am going to share:

This was the first time that I had ever seen her laying on the laundry basket like that. It was TOO freakin cute! I couldn't pass it up!