Sunday, June 6, 2010

Defensive

I am frustrated. 

My guy and I have been together a long time... 11 years. And we aren't married. He wants to wait until we are financially secure before we take that step. For a while I couldn't understand it. There were days that I wanted to walk away, to break up with him... But I love him and I know that he loves me and that he wants to marry me and have a family with me. I get that seemingly putting our life on hold is not exactly the best idea, believe me I have my moments. For a while when people would ask me why we weren't married I would shrug my shoulders and say it was all my guy... Now that I am losing the weight, I am not so sure that it isn't me too. I want to be a healthy mom, a healthy bride. Right now it has become more important for me to get healthy. And in doing so, I can almost see A's rationality. We aren't making a lot of money, we can't even afford a house. We have one car payment right now, what happens if we have two and then have a kid? I don't have insurance, neither does A. 

I am tired of defending our relationship to people. For the most part people know that we are together and that we love each other and that we plan to get married and have a family. I realize that since we are in our 30's people have a hard time understanding why we aren't married, and I can say that I feel their frustration, but, I love him, he makes me happy and he makes me laugh. He is who I want to be with, he is who I want to grow old with. Am I settling or am I standing by my man? Am I committed or crazy? Either way outsiders look at it, all that matters is that we love each other and that we make each other happy.

"Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans" - John Lennon "Beautiful Boy"

I believe this quote, I really do... but if the other plans you are making create a life, did you really miss out?

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