Sunday, April 4, 2010

Mr. Ex...

So, I just saw my ex boyfriend from high school and his wife. He happens to be married to my best friend's sister. I know weird, right?!?! That isn't how the met. Anyway, I went over to my BFF, E's, mom's house to see her and her baby girl. She lives out of town. So I was there visiting as more and more family arrived and, I was trying to leave before they arrived. I knew there was a possibility of them being there, and I was okay with it, but as more time passed the more I realized that I really didn't want to see him. Not sure why, just changed my mind about it. So I am heading out as they are walking in, and I *rudely* (I guess it was rude) walked past the wife and said nothing as I was heading out and said hello/goodbye to the Ex. My BFF then turned my head to her sister and basically forced me to say hello/goodbye to her too. It wasn't too intentional of me to not say anything to her. She walked in looking all smug and like a diva and she hasn't always been nice to E, so I have no real time for her. I so wanted to leave before they got there, or at the very least shortly after they arrived. E apologized and said that apparently her sister gave me a look when I spoke to my Ex and not to her. Seriously?!?! And E was worried that she would hear about it later, so that is why she did what she did. I really do not care what the current Mrs. Ex thinks of me, but I would hate for E to be put in an awkward position. Hopefully E will tell me the aftershock of my rudeness later this evening.

And while we are on the subject of Mr. Ex...I was all worried that it would be a bittersweet thing for me. In the past when I would see him, these old feelings and emotions would surface and I would feel conflicted. Today that didn't happen so much. I mean I was a little bit uneasy and I was thinking a little like, "Does he miss me ever?", "Did I have an influence on his life?" I always got the impression that he could have cared less about me and that it didn't matter to him when I broke up with him for A. That was 11 years ago. And all I really want to know from him is if he really loved me, and if I had an impact on his life in anyway. At times I feel like there was no closure for me, even though I was the one that left. Of course I then wonder what it is about Mrs. Ex that is so great and what was wrong with me. But again I LEFT. There are things they had in common that Mr. Ex and I didn't. It's a good thing too. But he has made some changes for her and I often wonder why he didn't or wouldn't make them for me. He hasn't changed much. He looked handsome. But I don't think there attraction is still there, thank goodness. At first when I would see him, it would be present and I could feel it lingering, but now that is not the case. I need to end this's making me think too much. I am beyond this...I love A, I am happy, even though there are things I wish I could change or help him to understand that these things that may seem weird to him, really make me happy. No one is perfect..... And I love A, flaws and all.

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