Sunday, April 11, 2010

Antsy

I am ready for a family. I am ready to create a home. I am ready to raise children and feel that unconditional love. As much as I am ready for it, I am scared too! It's only natural to be scared though. Most of my friends are here. They are married with children. Not that that is the reason that I want it or say that I am ready. I am ready because I have this innate feeling, this sense that I am strong enough to be a good mother and to have this life learning experience that I am eager to have and that I KNOW I can handle. I know that A and I can handle it! I think he is more scared then I am at times, based on his family and upbringing.

His family is not exactly warm and fuzzy. They are cold, distant, detached. There are no hugs, no words of comfort, no pats on the back or words of praise. I think, and hope, that that isn't the type of family that he wants to have. I want the type of family that I was raised in and around. There is unconditional love, friendship, respect and acceptance. No matter what I have done, there has been unconditional love, there has been words of praise and of pride. The way that his family is, makes me nervous about bringing a child/children into their family. His mother is not ready to be a grandmother...OH WELL!!! She will be a grandmother whether she wants to or not. I see the kind of mother that she is and it makes me cringe at the thought of the type of grandmother she will be. It scares me. My mother on the other hand is eager and waiting and excited about the prospect of being a grandmother again. She can't wait. Her heart is so full of love. And my only hope is that I can be as good of a mother as she is/was to me. I think A wants that too!
I got a little sidetracked... Back to the topic at hand... I just know that I am ready. After I lose all of the weight that I want to, and I am about halfway there, I will be ready. I want to be a healthy mom and in good shape. I want to be physical and active with my children.

I think we will be good parents. I am ready, and excited.


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