Monday, March 29, 2010


Lately I have been thinking a lot of relationships. The dynamics and the work that needs to go into them. It's so crazy to me that people spend their lives together, sometimes. Other times it seems like the most natural thing in the world to me. When I think about the time my guy and I have been together it doesn't really feel like as long as it's been. The idea of being with him for the rest of my life seems daunting at times and yet, so easy in the same breath. Creating a life together, having a family - they are so easy to say, but actually do it, seems a little scary at times. We have created a life, but yet in the same breath it doesn't really feel like a life. I feel like their should be more, like something is missing. Granted, this is not the life that I had in mind. Not that there is a right or wrong way to build a life, but I don't feel like we have done that. I thought by the time I reached 30 I would be married and have kids. Well, sadly, that is not the case. While at times I really tend to dwell on that and get depressed about it, there are other times that I feel fine with it and feel like I am in no rush.... that would shock my mother. (ha ha)

Another aspect of relationships that is unnerving is how well someone gets to know you. I know A pretty well, for the most part, but he knows me SOOO well it's really just amazing. It proves to me that he pays more attention that I give him credit for. When you think about the amount of trust you have to put in another person to be in a committed relationship, it can really scare a person. You are giving someone else your heart, your life, your self.... It's a real act of faith.

All this time that A and I have been together, I kept thinking that it wouldn't be any different if we were to get married. After talking to a friend of mine, she opened my eyes to the fact that it would change things. We become responsible to each other and have to be held accountable. I guess since I already feel that we are in a committed relationship, that things wouldn't change all that much. I mean in my eyes there isn't that much of a difference in being married and being in a committed relationship that we are in. There is the piece of paper and the legally binding contract and all... but in terms of commitment there isn't a difference. Although...having said that, I still would prefer to be married, then to exist in this constant state of "being".

In my line of work, I work for a divorce attorney, it really makes you think about your relationships too. I mean, it breaks my heart when couples who have been married for YEARS, like 20 or more, get divorced. That is a lifetime. I constantly ask myself, how could that happen? How did they let it get that bad? Did they even try to make it work? Divorce is a last resort for me ... but I guess if there are things that you just can't work out or get passed, then it's best to part ways and move on. Granted, I know people that have gotten divorces and it's been the best thing for them, my sister for one.

A relationship is a lot of work. It takes patience, trust, faith, loyalty and determination. You have to be willing to work at it to make it work. It's not going to be fun and games all the time.

I love A and I hope that when we get married and have kids the dynamics of our relationship remain basically the same and that we are always willing to remember what it was the brought us together. LOVE!!!! <3

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