Saturday, January 23, 2010

Is it hot in here or is it my thyroid?

I so hate having this thyroid condition that I have. It's not exactly a pain in the ass. It's a struggle almost everyday. Everyday I feel different. You don't realize how important the little gland in your neck is until it starts to get a mind of it's own. One day I am hot, the next day I am cold. One day I am swollen, the next day I am not. One day I am calm and levelheaded, and the next day I am irrational. My skin and nails are dry. I lose hair. Sometimes I ache and other days I am fine.

Though my doctor has assured me that fertility shouldn't be of concern, I am nervous about the ability to have children. I am afraid of the weight that I am going to gain and what is going to happen to my body. I am afraid that I am not going to be able to be the best mother that I can be because of this condition.

The medicines that I was taking at first, Synthroid, made me feel bloated and I moved slow and felt like my head was in the clouds. I felt like I have dementia or something. I forget things quickly regardless of how important it is. At times I felt like an 80 year old trapped in a 30 year old body. Then I was put on Armour Thyroid, a natural dessicated hormone created out of porcine thyroid. Yes..PIG thyroid. And it worked tremendously. Almost instantly I felt more human. My brain was less foggy and I was able to do more physical activities, like go to the gym...YAY!!! I made the switch in June of 2008. Starting last year there were rumors circulating about the potential discontinuation of the Armour thyroid due to the fact that the FDA hasn't approved the natural dessicated hormone. I didn't want to believe it, because it was too upsetting, too hard to believe. Now I am out of my drugs. For two weeks I am going to be out of these drugs. Even thinking about going back to Synthroid for 2 weeks, makes me want to cry. I can't believe that pharmaceutical companies are so greedy and selfish to prevent people from taking a medicine from making them feel better. Thankfully, Canada makes a reasonable facsimile of the Armour thyroid that I am taking. It's going to take 2 weeks for me to get the pills. I don't want to be off meds for two weeks, but I also don't want to spend the money on the Synthroid when I am going to hate it and since it would only be for 2 weeks. I am excited about starting the Canada drugs, I have heard good things from some online support websites that I have joined.

It's amazing to me the number of people out there that are affected by bad thyroids, and yet it seems to be something that people aren't aware of. It's also surprising me how many people are on the natural thyroid. Most of the people that I have come in contact with on the website, are on Armour thyroid or another natural thyroid. And sadly, my thyroid medicine is not the only one that is in short supply. So many people are suffering at the hands of the FDA, and they don't care. It's a sad state of affairs.

One of the things that slays me is the lack of control that I have. I can't ever stop taking a pill to make me who I am. I will always need it. I can't make it go away or go into remission, it will always be there. I can adjust my eating and exercise to make sure that I am in the best health. I take a multi-vitamin, Calcium + Vitamin D, Ginko Biloba, Super B Complex, and Potassium supplements on a daily basis. It's like I need to take them, they help keep me, well.... me. I long for the days when I didn't wonder if my mood was based on whether or not my dosage is off, but simply because I didn't get enough sleep or had a fight.

And my boyfriend....he is a victim in all of this. He listens to my rants and deals with my roller coaster mood swings. He knows that it's not me. Thank goodness!!!

I am not the right person to have this condition. At times I don't feel strong enough or determined enough. I know what needs to be done to keep me healthier but I don't always do it. I self sabotage, constantly. Not sure what that is about.

Anyway - I would like a thyroid transplant. Mine is dead and still in my neck. I would like to take it out, bury it in the back yard and get a new one please. Is that too much to ask?!?! I don't think so!!!

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